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The Bachelor season finale recap: ‘A gentleman never kisses and tells’

For those keeping score, rose lovers, the list of “shocking” Bachelor finales now reads as follows: “Bachelor proposes to one woman, then dumps her on TV and proposes the runner-up instead” (Jason Mesnick, Arie Luyendyk Jr.); “Bachelor chooses no one” (Brad Womack, round 1); and now “Bachelor sends two of the final three home early and chases down/begs the woman who dumped him to take him back.”

Chris Harrison welcomes us from the Tealight Candle Thunderdome, and then we rejoin Colton as he pulls a Hail Mary, already in progress. Is it me, or does Cassie not look that surprised to see Colton at her door?

“I wanted to have another conversation with you,” says Colton. They head outside to the Second-Chance Bench, where the (former?) Bachelor makes his case. “I ended things with Tayshia and Hannah,” says Colton. Now Cassie looks surprised.

Poll: Is Cassie happy or freaked out about Colton’s revelation? Post your thoughts in the comments. (My vote is on the latter, but I may be in the minority.) Anyhow, the Bachelor goes on to reiterate that he doesn’t need Cassie to marry him right now, he just wants her to give their relationship a “second chance,” and take things “day by day.” Cassie is completely flabbergasted by what Colton is telling her, and it takes her a minute to form a response. “I think being sure of how I feel for some reason is really hard for me,” she says. “[Tayshia and Hannah G.] could give you that, and I couldn’t. And I wanted you to have that… I don’t want you to give up things. I feel like in the future that could make you resent me, too.”

Colton assures her that “compromise” and “sacrifice” are part of love, so he’s fine with rejecting two sure things and gambling on Cassie’s maybe-someday love. “I’m not telling you that I love you — I want to show you,” he says. And she LOVES it, I guess?

“I don’t understand what’s happening,” says Cassie, who starts to giggle semi-hysterically as Colton tells her about hopping an “8-foot fence” and running away from the cameras. She’s shocked into silence, though, when Colton says he wants to take her to Spain, where his family is waiting to meet his chosen ones… I mean, one. Cassie agrees, with this caveat: “I don’t know what I’m ready for — I feel good right now, though.”

Welp. ¡Vamos a España, rose lovers!

If you were a fan of Love Island (and really, you should check it out), you already know that Mallorca, Spain is the perfect place to fall in love — or “couple up,” as they say on that show. But is it the perfect place to meet your quasi-boyfriend’s parents, especially when they know you recently dumped him and left him heartbroken?

Colton sits down with his family — his mom Donna, his dad Scott, his brother Connor, and assorted in-laws – to deliver us some news that I didn’t see coming.

[spit take] Holy crap, what?!? The family reacts with embarrassed chuckles. Turns out, though, Colton was just joshin’ — his purity remains, uh, pure. “That’s something you can keep private,” Colton’s dad tells him, and he’s not really joking. The real bomb the Bachelor wants to drop is this: He’s only bringing one woman to meet them, and oh by the way, it’s the one who crushed his heart into misery dust during their Fantasy Suite date. “I went from 30 women to zero, and now to one,” he explains. When dad asks if he thinks Cassie is in love with him, Colton is honest: “At this point, no.” (Next: Cassie meets the parents)

Chris Harrison hosts the veteran reality romance series. Will you accept this rose?

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