Jeff Roberson/Associated Press
Did you miss the Super Bowl because your power was out, you attended some Saints Sour Grapes Parade, you fell asleep after the 10th punt or another equally justifiable reason? Don’t worry: Digest has you covered, with all the sights and sounds of the game. And trust us—Super Bowl LIII was better to read about than to watch.
75 minutes before kickoff: Unofficial fan jersey count from the concourse: 30 percent current Patriots jerseys, 20 percent vintage Patriots jerseys, 20 percent Patriots non-jersey apparel, 10 percent Falcons jerseys, 10 percent Rams jerseys, 9 percent miscellaneous NFL team jerseys (Chiefs and Bears, mostly) and one guy in a tattered Vince Ferragamo jersey who may well be Vince Ferragamo.
65 minutes before kickoff: The Patriots take the field to a supervolcanic roar from the crowd. So this is going to be like Foxborough, but with a roof? Cool, cool, cool. (Pops six ibuprofen.)
National anthem: Gladys Knight gives the stadium goosebumps.
The betting line on the anthem moved by as much as eight seconds at some sportsbooks on late action; Darren Rovell speculated that bettors realized late in the week that Knight was 76 years old. So older singers hold notes longer? Is that…common knowledge? Is it an R&B thing? A female-singer-only thing? Does it apply to trumpeters?
Regardless, Knight clears all the overs at two minutes and one second.
There’s a subsection of NFL fandom that bets big on the Super Bowl anthem but also criticizes Colin Kaepernick. Don’t be friends with these people.
Coin toss: The Rams win and defer. Dr. Bernice King tossed the coin. No word on whether that impacted the betting line.
First quarter, 12:02: Cory Littleton intercepts Tom Brady’s first pass, a wobbler that bounces off defender Nickell Robey-Coleman.
First quarter, 9:46: Dante Fowler Jr. nearly decapitates Sony Michel. Westwood One radio announcers credit the hit to Ndamukong Suh, because that’s what you do for near-decapitations. Robey-Coleman then crushes Rex Burkhead on a screen but gets flagged for a hit on a defenseless receiver. Saints fans would howl about the call if they weren’t all watching a rerun of Super Bowl XLIV in protest.
First quarter, 5:35: Patriots drive ends with a timeout, a draw play on 3rd-and-8 and a missed field goal. Patriots drives aren’t supposed to end like that.
First quarter, 3:32: Rams drive stalls. Johnny Hekker punts the Patriots inside the 20, barely: He slices one out of bounds. Patriots ball on their own 19.95 yard line.
First quarter, 1:39: Brady fumbles. Center David Andrews recovers. Aaron Donald forces an errant Brady throw on third down. Matthew Slater downs the subsequent punt at the 6-yard line. First quarter ends. No score.
Second quarter, 13:58: Another Rams punt, from deep in their own territory. Jared Goff is playing quarterback like he’s having that nightmare in which he has to give a presentation that he didn’t prepare for in his underwear.
Second quarter, 10:29: A Stephen Gostkowski field goal makes it 3-0.
Second quarter, 8:00: Another Rams drive stalls after a wobbling deep incompletion by Goff. The stadium was so loud on third down, teammates probably couldn’t even hear the hand signals.
Second quarter, 4:32: Goff gets sacked for a 14-yard loss on 3rd-and-short. He’s now playing like he’s having the nightmare in which he’s getting chased by a chainsaw killer but suddenly cannot move his legs.
Second quarter 1:16: Patriots reach field-goal range but fail to convert a 4th-and-1 as Brady cannot connect with Rob Gronkowski through a sea of Rams hands. Luckily for the Patriots, Goff takes the field like he’s having the nightmare in which he is getting his head held underwater by an insane clown.
End of the half: Patriots lead 3-0. At least we have the Maroon 5 halftime show to look forward to.
Halftime: Save for a brief appearance by Big Boi, the Super Bowl LIII halftime show turns out to be the Super Bowl LIII first half of halftime shows.
Third quarter, 14:49: Todd Gurley escapes the super-secret probation/Non-Admitted Injury List he’s been on for three weeks for a 16-yard cutback run. It’s just the third Rams first down of the game. Patriots defender Patrick Chung leaves after the next play with an apparent broken arm. The drive stalls because Goff stares down his receiver on third down.
Third quarter, 10:14: Patriots drive stalls. Slater downs the subsequent punt at the 2-yard line. If not for Julian Edelman, Slater would be the favorite for MVP.
Third quarter, 8:36: The punts are now officially the most interesting part of this game. Hekker delivers a 65-yard roller after Goff has another Babadook experience in his own end zone.
Third quarter, 3:55: Goff nearly connects with a wide-open Brandin Cooks in the end zone. The ball hangs in the air too long, Jason McCourty arrives to break up the play. Goff takes a nine-yard loss to leave the Rams with a 53-yard field goal attempt. Greg Zuerlein nails it. Tie game, 3-3. Pass the smelling salts to keep the fans awake.
End of third quarter: Scott Hanson interviews Trey Burton, who threw the Philly Special touchdown pass in Super Bowl LII, on the stadium jumbo screens. Reminding fans of that thrill-a-minute Super Bowl during this snoozefest is straight-up trolling.
Fourth quarter, 13:45: C.J. Anderson fumbles, but the ball squirts out of bounds. Against all odds, Goff completes a third-down pass on the next play.
Fourth quarter, 11:29: Holding negates a Gurley run to halt a promising Rams drive. They hand off on 3rd–and-22. At least the clock keeps running.
Fourth quarter, 9:49-to-7:03: Gronk shears a linebacker named Samson Ebukam for an 18-yard catch. Edelman lines up inside in a five-wideout set and beats a linebacker. Brady throws a quick out to Rex Burkhead. Gronk beats Littleton up the seam. Spread formations? Pinpoint Brady passes? The exploitation of obvious mismatches? What is this, a Patriots game? A two-yard Michel touchdown makes it 10-3.
Fourth quarter, 4:24: Goff nearly finds Cooks up the sideline in the end zone. Remember when Chung got hurt? Backup Duron Harmon arrives at the last second to knock the ball away.
Fourth quarter, 4:17: Stephon Gilmore intercepts a floating Goff air ball near the end zone to Cooks, who makes no play on the ball. Maybe that’s why Cooks gets passed around from contender to contender like the salad at Thanksgiving.
Fourth quarter, 3:36: Michel gouges the Rams defense for 26 yards. Ballgame?
Fourth quarter, 2:42: Burkhead adds 26 more yards. The Patriots force the Rams to burn all of their timeouts and then kick a field goal. Ballgame.
Now let’s take a closer look at some of the game’s biggest plays and players.
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